2005 Limerick Contest


FIRST PLACE

An appellate judge’s husband named Tex
Complained that she gave him no sex.
When he sought judicial relief,
She said, “I’ve looked in your briefs –
De minimus non curat lex!”
- Kevin Risley

SECOND PLACE

A surly chief justice named Chet
Was prone to cast crude epithets
Quite often the chief
Would denounce a bad brief
As “the worst piece of *#*! I've seen yet”
- Rob Ramsey

THIRD PLACE

Billing can be such a chore
In my life as a cor-por-ate whore
Creative descriptions
For reading transcriptions
A necessary task I abhor.
- Amy Schumacher

The Texas high court's in a tizzy
The turnover's makin' us dizzy
We hope and we pray,
At the end of the day,
Whoever is there will get busy.
- per curiam

HONORABLE MENTIONS

On first reading HCCI v. Cortes
A juror was usually dead
If one side "start[ed] out ahead."
The Supremes changed their mind
And said ev'rything's fine
If the juror didn't mean what he said.
- Gavin Villareal

I know of a federal jurist
who thinks of herself as a purist.
If the "C" for her Court
is a wee bit too short,
she'll threaten contempt just to cure it.
- Kendall Gray

I walk through the rain, tired and sodden.
I'm starting to feel so downtrodden
'Cause something to sway
Three judges today
Is harder to find than bin Laden.
- Kelly Kirkland

On the new edition of the Blue Book
I weep for you, Blue Book of old
Your well-tabbed pages--though worn--were worth gold
To the seventeenth edition
I'd promised no sedition
The eighteenth shows ellipsis spacing? I'm sold!
- Amy Schumacher

Let’s remember our cheerful friend Helen
Who navigated TRAPS with the skill of Magellan.
When Cassidy spoke,
Everybody awoke,
It was always the truth she was tellin’
- Kevin Risley

Some judges may curse us and shame us
If we speak of a writ of mandamus,
While others may damn us
If we call it mandamus.
The pronunciation’s unclear, so don’t blame us
- Kevin Risley


 

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