2005 Limerick Contest Results
FIRST PLACE
An appellate judge’s husband named Tex
Complained that she gave him no sex.
When he sought judicial relief,
She said, “I’ve looked in your briefs –
De minimus non curat lex!”
- Kevin Risley
SECOND PLACE
A surly chief justice named Chet
Was prone to cast crude epithets
Quite often the chief
Would denounce a bad brief
As “the worst piece of *#*! I've seen yet”
- Rob Ramsey
THIRD PLACE
Billing can be such a chore
In my life as a cor-por-ate whore
Creative descriptions
For reading transcriptions
A necessary task I abhor.
- Amy Schumacher
The Texas high court's in a tizzy
The turnover's makin' us dizzy
We hope and we pray,
At the end of the day,
Whoever is there will get busy.
- per curiam
HONORABLE MENTIONS
On first reading HCCI v. Cortes
A juror was usually dead
If one side "start[ed] out ahead."
The Supremes changed their mind
And said ev'rything's fine
If the juror didn't mean what he said.
- Gavin Villareal
I know of a federal jurist
who thinks of herself as a purist.
If the "C" for her Court
is a wee bit too short,
she'll threaten contempt just to cure it.
- Kendall Gray
I walk through the rain, tired and sodden.
I'm starting to feel so downtrodden
'Cause something to sway
Three judges today
Is harder to find than bin Laden.
- Kelly Kirkland
On the new edition of the Blue Book
I weep for you, Blue Book of old
Your well-tabbed pages--though worn--were worth gold
To the seventeenth edition
I'd promised no sedition
The eighteenth shows ellipsis spacing? I'm sold!
- Amy Schumacher
Let’s remember our cheerful friend Helen
Who navigated TRAPS with the skill of Magellan.
When Cassidy spoke,
Everybody awoke,
It was always the truth she was tellin’
- Kevin Risley
Some judges may curse us and shame us
If we speak of a writ of mandamus,
While others may damn us
If we call it mandamus.
The pronunciation’s unclear, so don’t blame us
- Kevin Risley